I’m back! I’d explain the extremely long hiatus from posting but there’s no point. All I can say, is maybe my brain turned to mush while doing this and therefore had to stop. Also, actually, if I remember that far back, I got really tired of wordpress being weird, and I got frustrated and gave up. I was at my sister’s place this past weekend and she mentioned the blog and I visited back and I realized I missed it, so while I deal with work and school and all that fun stuff, I am back to my blog because everyone always comes crawling back to Sweet Valley. Also, getting stills from the actual TV show became really tedious, so I can’t promise that I’ll keep up with that either (maybe just the really good moments).

So on to the recap! This book is loosely based on the series book by the same name. The book, however, had an alarmingly high dosage of Bruce Patman, who of course is altogether eliminated from this episode. He was probably busy at a doctors appointment during the hour it must have taken to film this episode… AND HERE WE GO.

This episode begins with our less favorite twin, Ms Elizabeth Wakefield making out with tool-like boyfriend Todd Wilkins in a car in front of the sprawling, Spanish-tiled Wakefield house. Just as a side note, Spanish tiles look like the following:

I don’t see anything nice about this. I think they’re tacky. I don’t care if they live in Southern California, these tiles are just plain ugly.

Anywho, I digress; back to the episode.

So, they’re making out in front of the house, and Todd’s all pissy because Liz has to go inside for her curfew. I’m not positive for whose benefit this curfew is for since their parents are NEVER EVER home, but Liz is still rushing. Anyway, so Todd’s bitching, and Liz is all, “wellll, *wink*wink*, my parents are going out of town this weekend”, and what a coincidence, so are Todd’s AND he has to go stay with his cousins as his house is being painted or fumigated or something that makes him unable to crash at Winston’s for a weekend. And then, I don’t get this, but Liz is all kinda pissed of because she thought the two of them would be hanging out, but wtf!? you have a curfew! Well, whatever, Todd comes up with this brilliant plan to move in with Liz for the weekend and not tell her parents (well, obviously, I mean there’s really no one to tell. Todd could just live there forever, and it wouldn’t change a thing).

Cut to school. Lila and some dude named Morgan (A.J. Morgan??) are talking about tickets that they thought Lila could get but she didn’t. Maybe her dad isn’t cast either so he can’t buy her all this crap, but apparently it’s okay because Winston always has tickets. Of course our constantly-scheming twin Jessica overhears this by the lockers, and this look immediately crosses her face (as it must at least once every episode).  Jessica then walks over to Winston and asks him if he still has the SoundGarden tickets (Savage Garden?!) and states that she wants to go and Winston stupidly thinks with him, but really she just wants to buy them to steal Morgan Gathers (so not A.J.)  away from Lila. Ever conscious Liz is just a couple lockers down and points this out. Oh well, whatever.

Jessica goes to Todd and Morgan, and she tells Todd to go away so she can talk to Morgan. Jessica tells him that Lila got the tickets that he was waiting for — to Swan Lake. Morgan being a man of no taste, gets all flustered and agrees to go with Jessica to the concert instead. Honestly. These two have such a ridiculous friendship. Whyyyy have friends like this?!

Back at the Wakefield house, Todd has brought his duffel bag to Liz’s house. Jessica comes strolling in with some ugly huge button down shirts to wear on her date and interrupting Todd and Liz smooching in the living room. Liz runs after Jess who finds a pair of Calvin Klein boxers in Todd’s bag, and begs her not to tell their parents. Jessica predictably and innocently says she won’t tell the parents, ………………………….wait for it………………………………….. as long as Liz doesn’t tell them about the party she plans on having. Liz crumbles and agrees to a small gathering, andddd Jessica manages to get the emergency credit card to buy a dress.

I must upload this simply because of the awful outfits. Liz’s purple and khaki, Todd’s tucked in blue shirt and khakis. So freakin boring.

Cut to a montage of Liz and Todd in the grocery store, YAY! Hmm, in short, they both ride the shopping cart, they both knock over cans of food, Liz picks up boring healthy shit, Todd picks up junk food which Liz promptly takes out of the cart, they knock over a fruit display, Todd balances a case of soda on his head, Todd juggles potatoes, Todd loses Elizabeth in one of the aisles, they play basketball with a soccer ball, Todd rams a cart rights into a stand of cookies or something, Todd gives Liz flowers which he doesn’t actually purchase for her. So typical. They go to check out, and Liz doesn’t have enough money, and asks Todd who has nothing to offer her. So basically, he buys all this shit and has no way of contributing to the purchases. What a catch!! Well that scene just ends there, who knows what they gave up so they could afford it.

Cut back to the house where Todd has surprise Liz by cooking dinner, which is actually kinda cute because he set up the table for two all romantic and nice.  Todd looks so proud of himself. It appears he has steamed carrots, steamed beans, a bun, and what I assume is a burger? steak? he threw into the oven – he saw them make this in Kathy Lee and Regis… again, why do you need to be shown how to steam vegetables?! Anyway, how Todd manages to make these simple things create the look of disgust that Liz gets after trying this food is just shocking. But honestly, just eat it, you stupid girl, it’s Todd. you’re used to sub-par everything, and chances are he’ll never get better so just get used to it!! Anyway.. Liz exclaims bitchily “I can’t eat this!” UGH. Todd gets all defensive and says “fine, don’t” These two are so mature. And then there’s the silent treatment for both of them until Jessica walks in wondering about the darkness and leaving with a warning to not do anything she wouldn’t do. Todd says “well there’s no chance of that.” Now, I’m not sure, is he referring to Jessica’s want to have a good time always, or Jessica’s whorish-ness, I don’t know.

Cut to Liz and Todd on the couch with their champagne flutes of grape juice. They try to watch TV like an old married couple and Todd finds a basketball game and goes on to ignore Liz who leaves and goes upstairs.

In the middle of the night, which OMG, this would infuriate me: Todd who is sleeping on the couch, gets up and starts bouncing a freakin basketball. WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH THIS KID. His parents should have left him in the house being repainted since he clearly has no brain cells to lose. He goes to the fridge and drinks some milk from the carton, NICE. Liz comes in, motherly as usual and takes his basketball. Ha, no basketball for you sucka – oh and hands him a glass.

Yay first half over, and it wasn’t THAT awful to get through.

Onwards. Jessica is talking to Lila about the party and it having to be a small gathering, and Lila is handing out flyers to everyone outside the doors of the Moon Beach. Is it just me, or would our beloved Lila Fowler, NEVER hand out flyers for anything, anywhere AND at the very least have some sort of screening process for a party she appears to be co-hosting?!

Anyway, cut to Todd, sitting shirtless (ew) on the Wakefield couch, going through the paper looking for the sports section. Liz comes down the stairs and Todd furiously questions the whereabouts of the newspaper. Ohhh, Liz threw it out with the coffee grounds. Ok, now I know she’s annoyed and I get that, coz I get like sometimes too, and this would annoy me too I’m sure if my boyfriend came to stay with me and we had very limited time together and he chose to watch sports, but EVEN STILL, given how much he loves it, and knowing that it couldn’t possibly take more than a couple of hours to go through the Sports section, she really could have just left it for him. There’s no way there was NO OTHER SECTION that the coffee grounds could have been thrown out in. Whatever, Liz states that he watched 57 hours of sports yesterday! That’s right ladies and gentlemen, SWEET VALLEY GETS 33 EXTRA HOURS PER DAY!!!!!! Ugh, I know its too stupid to even snark on, but REALLY, it just annoys me. Anyhow, Jessica comes in being her wonderful self, making fun of the lover’s quarrel going on, and something about scolding Todd into acting like a human.

YAY PARTY TIME. Jessica walks into Liz’s room, with a rather nice dress on, but it’s really long. Seems like a kind of a weird party dress where they’ll be serving chips and dip, oh and it was $200. Liz is wearing jeans, a ratty looking long sleeved green top and a white vest over. EW. She goes on to complain about Toddy. Jessica leaves to get the door, and Liz asks the important question of why Lila is being such a big help after Jessica stole her boyfriend. Interesting, of course Jessica doesn’t really stop to think that there might be a hidden incentive for all this help she’s receiving.

Anyway, Todd comes into the room as Jess is leaving and tells Liz they need to spend some time alone to make up for the weekend. Liz says her famous “I guess I can trust Jessica” line and they kiss. This kiss is interupted with a look of anger and parental annoyance because of loud music. Why don’t these two ever act their age. There is such a thing as crossing the line of over-responsibility when you’re 16! Downstairs at the party, Jessica is shocked at the number of people, and Lila fills her in on the plan by making a snide comment to the date-stealing that went on a little earlier. Morgan comes by and Jess and him walk away leaving Lila staring angrily after them.  and oooh, look at that, Liz blames TODD for this. WHY?! WHYYYYY?! THAT DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE. Liz and Todd go downstairs and the place is packed and Liz is about to have a panic attack. She tells Todd basically that the weekend sucked, and Todd assumes it’s his fault, which is kinda is. He states that he knows when he’s not wanted and says he’s going to go and pack his things.

Ooh and here’s the big problem of this episode: Winston does a lame balancing on a chair trick TWICE, and on the second one he (in slow motion) falls taking down Lila, Moragan, and Todd with him, oh and there’s Jessica behind them with a tray of veggies and dip, and of course the dip falls all over her brand new, needs to be returned dress.This is by far my favorite part of the entire episode: after Jessica screams out “my dress” – Liz looks to Todd and says “now look what you’ve done!” – HAHAHA. What the hell did he do?! He was not carrying the tray, he wasn’t wearing the 200$ dress paid for by an emergency card she was partly responsilbe for, he didn’t try to balance stupidly on a chair… whyyyy is she mad at him?!

Guess that killed the party coz the next scene is Liz on her bed and Todd knocking on the door. They talk and Liz basically blames Todd for an awful weekend, he brings up the meal he cooked and she hated, Liz wants to stop talking about it, of course she does, coz he’s almost right. Anyway, Jessica bursts into the room with her dress and exclaims how it’s ruined and how she won’t be able to return it. Sucks to be you Jess, but I mean you were going to commit some sort of crime I’m sure. Jessica being the colossal bitch that she is, and Liz being the doormat she is, gets blamed for the 200$ on the credit card, because LIZ was the one responsible for the card and LIZ gave the card to Jessica, so JESS is in no way to be blamed for this situation. It sucks, but it’s also a little bit funny. Todd is in the background, looking shocked at how ridiculous Jess is being (and you’re going to marry that 10 years later!!! Congrats!). He vows to helps Liz get out of this mess.

Cut to Jessica getting ready for the concert. She’s searching for her tickets and runs down to T+E sitting calmly on the couch.Liz informs her that she sold the tickets to pay off the credit card, which I think was a VERY GOOD idea. A+ on that Liz. Jess vows to never talk to Liz again, we’ll see about that. Here’s the best part, they sold the tickets to Lila!! who comes by to snidely thank Jess for them, and tells Jessica she’s going with Morgan! Wow, one way or another Morgan got to go to this concert! I love that the rivalry between these girls is more important than their self respect,coz really Lila?? He ditched you in a heartbeat to go with Jess… and you’re just gonna let him play you like that?! Gawd. Liz and Todd stand awkwardly and self-righteously on either side of Jessica like her parents which she definitely needs. Jessica’s bitter about not being able to go to the concert, and Liz tells her it’s okay because there’s someone else she can go with. Of course, the boy they always use: Mr. Winston Egbert comes driving by in his orange beetle. Jessica looks disgusted but of course she still goes. Poor Winston, I wish he’d stand up for himself in these types of situations AND HE BROUGHT HER FLOWERS. Jessica goes and takes one of the tickets out of his hand and decides to go alone, and Winston just goes along with this and hops back into his car. She tries to get the keys from Liz, but apparently the Jeep is out of gas. So, Jessica runs behind Winston’s car, hoping to get a ride.

Cut to just T+E together and they have a relationship talk and they apologize for the crap they did. The episode ends with them making out and her parents coming home, and them freaking out. We never see the parents, so I can assume she threw Todd out the window and all ended well.

It’s good to be back.

SVC Recap DONE!

Its a crazy 7000+ words and can be found here. ENJOY! It’s finally done! Time to start the series or TV shows, we’ll see! 🙂

Fast forwarding, fast forwarding through intro.

Sweet.

First scene is the cheerleaders doing a terrible cheer: “hey,  hey you, you better move, we’re coming through” LAME.

Anyway, Mr. Russo comes by saying good job, and Jessica tells RBG she’s failing Russo’s class and if she fails the next test, she’s going to be on academic probation. RBG suggest they leave so Jess can study, which really wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

Cut to Winston in an office with a computer. Wonder what he’s doing in there. He appears to be hacking into some ghetto private and confidential account. He manages to hack into Russo’s account. Yay! While in there, he find some random chemistry? physics stuff? and then finds a letter written in all capital letters in I believe size 14 font, from Russo to someone named Rosemary. Winston giggles like a schoolgirl and prints off the email. He giggles again and then leaves.

Oh Liz, that would be my reaction too if Todd was my boyfriend AND decorated my locker for our anniversary

Cut to Liz and Enid walking to Liz’s locker; Todd decorated her locker for their anniversary, fancyyy. Okay.. Enid is all “ooh Todd, you’re so sweet, how could someone forget a day like day”  BAHAHA, the amazing Liz apparently did. Enid runs away stupidly and Liz tells Todd that HE has the day wrong. Bitch. She says it’s Wednesday. I dont like Todd much, but that was a bitch thing to do. It was just mean!! This bothers me!!

Ugh, ANYWAY, Winston runs up to them and shows them the email from Russo to Rosemary and he’s about to wet his pants in excitement. Liz is all morally bitchy about it, shut up you lying hoe. Liz looks at Winston like deplorable scum and tells him it’s private and he shouldnt be going into private teacher files. Of course, while all this is going on, Jessica is standing schemingly by the lockers listening to everything.

Cut to Enid and Liz at the Wakefield house. Stupid forgetful Liz is freaking out over what to get Todd and is asking Enid, who has never had a boyfriend, for help. Why does she think that’s a good idea? Can Enid really contribute something, anything to this discussion!? Enid is too busy watching the shopping channel, foreshadowing your many lonely years ahead? Anyway, Liz finds out the shopping channel is selling shoes autographed by Shaq.Liz calls and orders them.

Cut to Winston at the Moon Beach, passing out copies of aforementioned email. Seriously!? I hope Russo throws darts at him for this one. Bruce and Manny walk in and Bruce says “advertising for friends” – I lol-ed at that one; also Bruce is wearing quite the outfit, what with the pink golf shirt and the green sweater tied around his shoulders. Anyway, they walk away and Jessica walks in and flirts with Winston about getting the email and walks away seductively, and then calls him over.

Jessica basically comes on to him, and then we cut to the Wakefield house where Winston is going to tutor her. She asks him if he’s hungry, and makes him go and get her a drink and while he’s doing that and she keeps changing her mind about what she wants, she rifles through his bag looking for the password.

I draw your attention to the third pic from the left of the notice board. Please read that message, I guess that accounts for Alice

It was a four letter password, that he appeared to guess, I dont think he needed to write it down. Anyhoo, Liz walks in looking for a package being delivered (Todd’s gift)

Cut to Winston and Jessica at the school with Jessica groping Winston while getting him to hack Russo – oh and computers turn her on “with all that inputting and outputting.” Apparently, the password was PELE, Russo’s favorite soccer player. I was going to comment on his lame password, but to be fair, on some of my random pointless accounts, my password is Eminem or Messi. So I can see that, though why a teacher uses that for personal files where he apparently stores exams I don’t understand. SVH just has way too much faith in its students.

Cut to Liz bitching on the phone about the delayed delivery. Todd comes over for their anniversary, I dont know why she can’t just say his gift hasnt arrived yet. Todd gives her his gift, and Liz says she was reading her diary and their anniversary is next Friday, and that she’s an idiot. You’re not an idiot Liz, you give yourself too much credit, you’re a lying bitch!! You’re a terrible girlfriend, not even just for forgetting, but for lying, TWICE. Todd just shakes his head is dismay.

So we cut to the day of their test, physics? calculus, I don’t remember, ooh I think chemistry. Yay montage of the exam!! I used to think all montages in this show had to be exactly one minute to be really effective. I sensed this being a pattern and was glad it wasnt any longer… until this episode. This one was an insane minute and a half!!! Gist of the montage, everyone is struggling, Jessica is having the time of her life. Oh and Russo is watching them like a hawk.Manny is flipping a coin to guess the answers, which is pretty funny and disruptive.

Cut to the gang at the Moon Beach; Enid is binge eating because she’s freaking out about the test and Jessica is all “the test was a piece of cake” Winston comes up to Jessica to ask her out and she blows him off, obviously. Todd tells him “she’s a piranha, they eat their own” You would know wouldnt you, you’re dating one just like her.

HALFWAY THROUGH!

Cut to the next day in class? Russo is handing back the tests, Manny got a C-. Jessica got an A+, after last months F. I’ve cheated on a few tests in my day, I mean never to come back from an F but just to maintain an A or B and the first rule is never stray super far from what you’re pulling in the course! They’re all leaving, and Russo asks to speak with Jessica. He knows someone pulled a copy of the test of his computer, I don’t know how you can tell that. He tells her he wants to believe her, but he’s a man of science, and he doesn’t believe in miracles especially after Jess went from an F to an A+. Jessica, in typical Jessica style manner, throws Winston under the bus and pulls out the email he’s been handing out.

Cut to Winston and Russo. Russo is pissed about the email and cheating. In short, Winston is suspended for one week. Cut to Winston, Todd and Liz at the Moon Beach and Winston is freaking out about being suspended and having no future. Todd tells him its okay since he doesn’t have to go to school for week. True Todd, very true, you on the other hand can use all the school you can get. Lila and Manny and Bruce come over to the table and make fun of him. Lila sits down with them and Winston is still freaking out and saying he didn’t steal the test. Lila says “that’s not what everybody is saying” LOL, helpful Lila. Liz wonders who else has the password, Liz wonders if he told Jessica. Lila bursts out laughing at him telling Jessica, I love her!

Cut to Liz storming into the Wakefield kitchen and asks Jessica if she has an ounce of decency.. nice coming from you LIAR. They fight about it, nothing interesting. Jessica says “you take so much pleasure in always knowing the truth, fine, I did steal the test” That was quick. Liz angrily says she wont let Jess get away with it.

Cut to Liz and Russo, where Liz is ratting out her sister for Winston. Russo actually discusses this with Liz. Liz offers Russo a suggestion to have another test. Manny bitches about having to do the test to Jess who says “quit whining, why don’t you try studying for a change” I can see where this is going, and if I was Manny I would shame her like crazy when she got caught.

Cut to Jessica in the office, trying to get into the computer system. Of course, she does, and some ghetto jail scene graphics tell her access denied and to look behind. Who should be there, but Liz, Russo, Winston and Todd. Whoa, Jessica and Liz face off with stupid looks. Russo takes her to Chrome Domes office.

Cut to Liz and Enid talking by her locker. I guess Liz finally got the gift.

Cut to Jessica, Lila and RBG talking about how awesome her suspension is. RBG is mad because Jess is on probation on from cheerleading for two weeks, no one appears to play any sports so I cant imagine this is a major loss. Lila gives her all her homework. Stupid, ignorant, foolish Jessica, attempts to get Winston to help her and he DE-CLINES.

Cut backto Liz and Todd. Wednesday was when he first asked her out; Friday was when they went on their date; and this day is apparently when they first kissed. I think anniversaries count from when you go out, but what do I know when it comes to Sweet Valley logic. She admits she forgot, so I guess we can give her credit for that. So, he gives her earrings, and she gives him the shoes…..which are two left ones. HA. Hate. YOU. LIZ. Bahahahahahah and Liz ends with “I’m going to kill those guys!” and then has a look on her face that says “oh well, I’m sucha tool. Why are you surprised?” And its true Liz, we’re not.

Here we go! Don’t think there was ever a book about this or based on this or anything… In fact, I think all of Jessica’s high school career consisted of wanting to be an actress and never really getting there. Anyhow, I’m in the mood for the opening theme, so I let that play.. Sweet Vall-ayyyyyyyy, Sweet Valll-ayyyyy Highhhhh…. I kinda like it.

Anyway, first scene starts out with Lila and Jessica walking into the Moon Beach and wait get this, they open the door, pose and then walk in and then it cuts to Bruce and Manny (eating a massive plate of fries) talking about something but Bruce saying he has to pick up cousin Andy from the airport and he’s a big time commercial director so he can’t cab. Cut to Liz sitting at the next table over and never being able to mind her own business, tells Todd who has juts joined her about Bruce’s uncle, so I can tell from here its going to be a case of Dumbass-Broken-Telephone. So here:

Bruce to Manny: Andy visiting Sweet Valley –> Liz (overhearing) to Todd: Andy coming to make a movie in Sweet Valley — > Todd to Winston:  Making an action movie in SV –> Winston to Todd: a movie with Brad Pitt and Keanu Reeves –> RBG (overhearing Winston) to Enid –> Andy coming to make a movie with Brad Pitt and Christian Slater (wtf) and that they’re going to need extras, and Enids all oooh they’re casting here (no ones going to cast you for anything 10 year old in a 12 year old body, but is apparently 16.. –> Enid to Jessica and Lila: Christian Slater, Ethan Hawke, and I think she may have said Enid Rollins… in a movie here. She mentions she has to go buy a new everything and runs off.

Yay Jessica and Lila talking about it and how it’s so ridiculous of why he would be casting in SV, and then they’re all “nah he wouldn’t” but then they run back into the restaurant and sit down with Manny and Bruce. Jessica tells him she’s starring as Lady Macbeth and Lila is sitting beside Bruce, pretty much feeling him up and playing with his hair in a gesture to get him to introduce them to his uncle. Haha, Lila plays “Witch #2” in the play. We find out that his uncle wont be in town until the play closes, so he wont be able to attend it. Manny makes some lame desperate attempt to get free tickets to this $7.50 event, and is denied on all counts by the girls.

Cut to Jessica at school in a midriff baring black shirt and super high waisted khaki pants, talking to some guy in a white dress shirt with a gold and red vest named Steven. Short story, he asks Jessica for an interview for the paper because she’s the lead, and Jessica offers him tickets to a Pearl Jam concert instead so he won’t be able to cover it. He takes the tickets, and Jessica tells him someone else can fill in to review.

Cut to Mr Collins in the Oracle office and he comes in and tells Liz she will have to cover the play. Liz is all where’s Steven, and Collins says he cant do it because he got concert tickets. Then some 30 year old looking woman passes Collins a paper, and Liz is faced with a moral dilemma about how she can write an non-biased and objective review.

Cut to Winston (who is playing Macbeth – how is that possible) talking to Jessica and Lila and Jessica rattles of a list of things for him to do because he wants to get into the married couple role. Enid and RBG run up to them saying tickets are sold out and Jessica, ever so modest says “well I’m the lead!” She claims Andy will still discover her because she’s going to get a great review, and Lila’s, ever the bitter one, tells her she’s being too optimistic or something and Jessica mentions Liz is covering the play and skips away.

Cut to Jessica coming into the Oracle office and talking to Chuck and asks him to deliver some bikini shot and the play review the second it comes off the presses to Bruce’s uncle.

Cut to the play! It’s fairly stupid, but whatever, people laugh, even though it shouldn’t have been a funny play. Jessica comes out, and she says some crap, hits on some hideous guy in the front row, and she overacts and the play really should have lost all credit by this point, but I digress. The witches (RBG, Enid, Lila) brew a pot of smoke… and Jessica interrupts this scene as well to the unhappiness of the witches. Sweet, then we cut into a montage of the play, some random song plays in the background and we’re treated so some shot of the play, basically of various way it screws up.

Hmm, ok, so I think plot B, is Todd having to do a paper or something on Macbeth, and he chooses to watch the play instead of reading it. Liz tells him he better read it because the play isnt quite living up to the real thing as Jessica appears to be in all the scenes. This montage lasts a minute, and then it’s the end of play.

Cut to Lila, Jessica, Enid and RBG hanging out beside the Oracle dispenser thing,wherever they put the copies of the paper, anxiously awaiting Liz’s review. HAHAH, LILA STATES “As always Jessica, you’re your own biggest fan,” lol actually cracked up at that one. Liz writes that Winston was good, the witches were good with Lila in particular being really good, and that Jessica “overperformed and loosely interpreted” Jessica is shocked and states her film career is over (honey, it never started).

Cut to Jessica bursting into the Oracle office looking for Liz. Jessica goes on bitching at Liz and Liz basically says she was being nice when she wrote the review about Jessica.

Cut to Jess, Winston, Enid and RBG at the Moon Beach talking about the review, when Lila walk in wearing a ridiculous outfit, and tells everyone that she will be starring in Patman’s film. Jessica and Lila angrily yell at each other, and Jessica is shocked that Lila went to the hotel where Andy was staying to give him a copy of the review and Lila retorts back with Jessica who sent the review and her bikini shot. Winston and RBG look disgusted with her. Lila then leaves for her wardrobe fitting.

Cut to the twins at the Wakefield house. Jessica is giving Liz the silent treatment and Liz is apologizing, saying she had to be objective and everything. Jessica leaves the room and Liz feels morally torn. They go to Jessica’s room and the silent treatment continues until Jessica goes with a “you were jealous and you were trying to hold me back, I wanted that more than anything in the world but your review messed that up” *pause for mad laughter* Really?? This big time director is going to read an SVH newspaper review. Really??????

Cut to Liz and Todd at the studio. There’s some weird kung fu shit going on outside when they drive up, I guess to add some special acting to contrast the terribleness of everyone else. Liz and Todd talk to Andy on behalf of Jessica, they’re just standing by the door, btw, and some guy walking through lets them in, I wish all movie sets were that easy to walk onto.  Liz assumes that her review is to thank for Lila getting the part, Patman quickly rejects that and tells her he needed someone who looked like Lila or something. Basically, Liz’s review had nothing to do with it. Luckily, Patman offers Liz a role to play which she declines, but tells him about Jessica and mentions that it is a commercial, not a movie, HA.

Cut to Manny and Lila at the Moon Beach harping on about her part. RBG and Jess are talking about how annoying Lila is. Jessica then moves a “wet floor” sign and Lila falls pretty painfully. It’s really quite mean, I would have looked for a way to charge Jessica. Lila is crying “why me?!?!”

Anyway, Jessica leaves the Moon Beach and Liz and Todd are driving up and Liz tells her how Patman gave her a part, and ONLY THEN does Jessica “forgive” Liz. Oh and they never have a chance to tell her it’s a commercial because she drives off.

Cut to Bruce, Todd, Manny, Liz, Winston, and Enid on the set the day of the filming. Jessica assumes Lila isn’t going to show up but of course she does. They both go to Andy and he’s all “what the hell happened to you” He says he needs someone who can dance and Jessica jumps in front saying that she can dance and she’s a cheerleading captain. Patman makes them switch roles.

Cut to commercial: ahahah Lila is eating tomato soup at a table talking about it; Jessica comes out dressed as a massive tomato. Then she slips. Everyone laughts at her. She falls down with a basket full of tomatoes falling over her head. The show ends with everyone pointing and laughing at her and her sitting dejectedly on the floor. Alls well that ends well…

So right off the bat, I know this one includes a montage and a leopard print bikini!!! I don’t think I liked this episode much, again because there was a greasy dirty looking guy in it who had a lame name. There weren’t any books by this name, or anything even similar to this plot, I don’t think (if I’m remembering the right episode). We start with the theme song, fast forward that crap.

Yay! Our scene begins with a picture Chrome Dome’s big bald head pinned to a wall, the tag

Really, girls?

above it reads “Not only am I the president for the hair club for men, I’m also its biggest failure.” Oh apparently this is thanks to Winston, and is one of his best jokes. Then this episode greasy looking kid turns down the hallway with Enid and Lila,

could these three have a more lustful look on their faces?

RBG, and Jessica all stare at him with lustful eyes. Apparently Enid is going to be his model as she is his inspiration (ew). Gawd, he’s gross looking. Jessica is all “oh me, it should be me!” and Lila is her usual wonderful bitch self and tells Jessica is not going to happen because the painting will be going on a national tour. I vaguely remember the end of this episode where they show us the painting and that would NOT be going on tour in real life. Anyway, they’re all “ooh national tour!” or at least RBG is. Jessica’s schemer hat is on and the wheels in her head are turning as she plots.

Cut to Todd and Elizabeth making out in the Oracle office. Winston comes up behind them and takes a picture, I assume for a supposed “graffiti wall.”

Cut to Bruce and Manny at aforementioned graffiti wall where they’re laughing at Chrome Dome who comes up behind them and is looking all disappointed. He doesn’t even say anything, just looks at them disapprovingly. Stupid ass principal. Bruce makes a funny, and Chrome Dome takes the picture down and the three stooges (Todd, Liz and Winston) come up behind him and start bitching about freedom of expression. Honestly Liz you of all people should know, its high school, freedom of speech is a myth there, and honestly a Graffiti wall. What is the point of this? Why is there one in a HIGH SCHOOL. I mean, I know it’s Sweet Valley and the kids don’t swear, or really bully anyone (aside from that black vs white discrimination and the guy who was gay, (maybe that was in SVT) in the books, when the ghostwriter decide to brace some important subjects), and pretty much are perfect but still. I don’t think this “graffiti wall” would have ever worked in my high school. What school board would sanction this?! I’m in absolute shock because it seems like such a stupid idea. It’s like Facebook or MSN Messenger display-names of the 80s where you can just insult people straight up. Honestly, Chrome Dome had this coming.

Anyway he tells them they still have freedom of speech and expression but the picture doesn’t. Todd’s all “he can’t do that!” and Liz goes all Erin Brockovich and says” not if I can help it” And then they all gang up like the Famous Five, and glare schemingly down the hall at Chrome Domes back.

Cut to Jessica who walks into Dakota’s painting space, why is he doing this in the school?? Does he go to this school? He looks old. Anyway, Jessica comes in and try to stand all sexily but Dakota isn’t having any of it. He gives her some paintbrushes to wash instead. Jessica thinks “creative men are just, soooo, creative.”

Anyway, Enid comes in and looks at Dakota’s easel and is all “oh it’s amazing, wow!” and Dakota bitchily says “it’s a color test” HAHA, oh well, Enid’s lame. Dakota and Enid set up a meeting time at the beach for the next day, and she leaves and Jessica is all sneaky in the corner thinking about how she can screw this up for Enid.

Cut to Enid at the Moon Beach looking about 11, with her milkshake. Jessica bounces in and tells her that she has info on Dakota and Enid is all “no Jessica, you’re just jealous.” SO Sneaky-Jessica leaves with a cryptic warning and Enid RUNS out after her to find out the warning. Of course, Jessica is all “Dakota is going to paint you naked.” Enid doesn’t believe her at first, but Jessica lies her way through it and Enid falls for it like the dumbass that she is. Why do people always fall for Jessica’s shit? I don’t get it. She’s constantly sneaking around and scheming. Ugh.

Cut to Todd and Elizabeth in the Oracle office talking about Liz’s latest article “Save the graffiti wall – Cooper, no principles” , and then Chrome Dome coming in to yell at Liz. He tells her that humiliating the staff is not freedom of expression and Liz actually stands up for herself and they continue talking about censorship or something. Liz tells Chrome Dome that “it’s not his call to make” about what goes on the wall, REALLY?! I’m pretty sure it is. And then Chrome Dome is all “well I thought with the wall, the students would govern themselves” REALLY?! Why would you think that?? They’re high school students! The scene ends with Chrome Dome shaking his head in pity at Liz’s childlike stupidity.

Cut to Jessica and Dakota at the beach because Enid didn’t show up obviously. So in montage form, Jessica poses in her leopard print bikini for about a minute and a half. Dakota is just shaking his head and really doesn’t look impressed

Cut to Bruce flexing in front of his locker mirror, Winston comes and snaps a picture and they chase each other down the hall. Ugh how is Winston still on this.

Cut to Jessica at the beach wanting to see the painting, and Dakota refusing – yea, that’s gonna turn out well for ya Jess.

Cut to Lila, Jess, Liz and RBG at the mall. Liz is still droning on about her censorship crap. Jessica asks them about the art opening. Lila is all “anyone who is anyone will be at the opening tomorrow” Really?!?! I know for certain this picture will disappoint. Anyway Jessica tells them that she’s the model and Liz is all shocked she took the opportunity from Enid and Lila is bitter and RBG is just … RBG.

HALFWAY DONE! YES!

The next scene begins at the art opening and all the students are talking about the painting and Jessica and crap. Jessica has apparently prepared a few words, for what I don’t know, but she’s holding a thick stack of cue cards. Anyway, Chrome Dome comes to introduce Dakota and his painting, I still don’t know why this is such a big deal and why everyone is so eager for this or why this painting will be on a national tour, wtv. So he introduces Dakota Dancer (lame) and Dakota says something longer than 3 words (but not important enough to retype) and thanks Jessica who says “You’ve captured a side of me, a few people have ever seen” and we all know those words will bite her in the ass, Lila is looking on bitterly. Dakota unveils the painting and wouldn’t you know it, she’s naked. HAHA. Lila looks uncomfortable, RBG and Liz are “GASP! SHES NAKED!”, Bruce and Manny are all “Bravo!”, Winston is taking more pictures, and they don’t show Todd’s face or reaction but I imagine he’s staring at it like a creep; bet he doesnt’ know that’s the closest he’ll come to seeing either of them really, naked for the next 10 years. Anyway, Jessica is all red and embarrassed.

Cut to the Moon Beach where Bruce, Manny and Winston are splitting a massive plate of fries and talking about the painting. Lila, RBG and ENID for some reason are sitting at a table and talking about the painting as well and they’re all well Jessica would totally do it, and Enid’s like “Id never do it!” Of course you wouldn’t, and the world heaves a sigh of relief. RBG says “she has no shame” – shut the hell up. Anyway, Jessica walks in looking quite cute in her outfit, and the girls give her the silent treatment. The boys say some creepy things. Jessica is being yelled at by RBG and Enid and Lila, it’s kinda sad.. they’re awesome friends, those three… Todd and Elizabeth are sitting together when they see Jessica run out of the Moon Beach crying and Liz running after her. I’m going to make this short, basically, Jessica says she didn’t do it, Liz is all well what did you think was going to happen when you told them all that stuff, Jessica is crying, Liz agrees to help her and hugs her and that’s that.

aww Jess, you stole this from Enid, you lie to so many people, but it's okay, I'll help you.. again...

Cut to Liz taking on the schemer hat, and she walks into Dakota’s paint room and gets him to confess. It turns out Liz caught this on tape and she plays it for the gang at their kitchen table and everyone sees the light. Enid is all “that would have been me” HAHA, thank God it wasnt, people would have been laughing for days. Not even mocking, bitch laughing, just pure hysterical laughing.

Ooh, Jessica takes back the schemer hat and plots to catch Dakota. So she asks him to a picnic on the beach (already I can see where this is going) and they decide to skinny dip, he gets naked, she goes to get towels from the jeep, and he removes everything, and when he turns around Winston is taking pictures and the rest of the gang is standing there laughing and pointing at him. Todd and Winston seem to be enjoying this a little bit much and Dakota is super embarrassed. They toss the camera around so Dakota can’t get it, it gets to Todd who says “don’t even think about it” He’s such a loser, I  hate him. Jessica makes a deal that she wont reveal the pictures if he paints a bikini over the painting.

Cut to the opening we see the painting. Ok, the painting he did was not a shot in the montage!! He should have been a photographer, at least the picture wouldn’t look like the creation of a 12 year old. Lame.

Chrome Dome and Liz meet up and Cooper is all “you were right, we all have to use judgment with censorship and he over reacted” and apparently he put the picture back up. What the hell? Ok, so then it’s also okay to humiliate the faculty, that’s the message we want to send kids. Honestly. How does Liz get away with this crap???

Anyway, Jessica destroys the film in front of Dakota and Liz comes up to her and asks how she knows that he won’t revert it back to the original and Jessica pulls out another roll of film and says “insurance!” haha. They hug and everything is perfect again.

take a look at the painting behind them, that ones just creepy

New Link!

Check out my new link to all your Sweet Valley News. Read / Re-read/ catch up on all of it

In the mean time, as I continue reading and jotting down notes and quotes for my SVC Recap, I thought I’d quickly do Episode 2. Again, keep in mind, that I’m hoping for this one to be no where close to the last one in length, but let’s see where it goes. We begin with the minute long theme song which I still think is a waste (but handy for Season 2, when the episodes weren’t as interesting).

So, this episode starts out with the twins walking into their high school with Liz berating Jess about finding a “better class of guy, like Todd, who’s dependable, trustworthy, loyal.” Jessica’s all “that’s not a boyfriend, that’s a boy scout.” I would have chosen something along the lines of “bitch,” “man-slave,” “puppy/dog”. Ah well, to each, their own. [SVC Spoiler: guess Jessica really did take Liz’s advice.. ironic isn’t it]. Quick words on outfits: Liz is wearing that hideous pink sweater tied around her waist. Ugh. Jessica looks pretty cute in the opening scene’s outfit, the bottom part of it is really long and at this point I can’t tell it if works or not.

Anyway, they happen to walk past the “announcements” board where wonderful Mr. Collins is posting something up about a TV Show. Eager-Liz is all on that and asks him about it and he explains it while Jessica stands there looking bored. Liz is staring intently at Mr. Collin’s wavy strawberry blond hair, chiseled jaw and whatever else they used to describe him in the books. Jessica declares it lame and already I can tell there will be some boy interest that will make her desperate to be part of it. Liz runs off to sign up for it. Ah, there we go, 1:32 into it some greasy looking camera guy walks past and Jessica blatantly stares at his ass (technically 32 seconds into the show). Some lame 80s music plays and Jessica follows greasy kid into The Oracle office where he’s working with equipment. He introduces himself as Wes Franklin (I think, he’s a bit of a mumbler so I can’t be positive yet). Jess finds out he’s working on this TV show project and immediately her ears perk up and decides that she too has to be part of it as the “next news anchor.” THEN, Franklin walks behind Jessica, REALLY REALLY close and the show gets a little uncomfortable. The camera switches to Elizabeth who gives Jess a “knowing smile” which really just reads “ah, Jessica, ever the slut. Man, I’m better than you!”

Anyway, Jessica keeps following Franklin around (there’s a couple of scenes of that awkward walking-right-behind-each-other-rubbing-themselves-up-against-each-other business. It’s getting very uncomfortable and so not suitable for a YTV show at 2pm).  Franklin tells her how for his major they have to watch 5 movies and pay attention to it and Jessica says “brutal.” Really?! I wish my courses were like that… He gives her the equipment she needs to film her audition tape. Jessica ends the conversation by saying “Let me know if there’s anything I can ever do for you.” THIS is what gives girls a bad name, thisss is what led to the massive increase of teen pregnancy! I also think creepy video camera guy could easily be related to Mr. Collins, there’s something very familiar about them. Either physically, or their inappropriateness with young high school girls. I haven’t decided yet and then he walks away and Jessica again stares at his ass.

Cut to Liz, Enid, RBG, and Lila (wearing some really dark sunglasses to sit in the shade) at lunch time. The four of them discuss what positions they want for the new TV show. Jessica rudely interrupts RBG and says to make place for the “new Barbara Walters.” I bet if BW saw this, she’d be doing a documentary on how inaccurate it would be to compare anything JW does to anything BW does.  Liz looks at Jess all condescendingly and asking her what made her so interested in journalism. Way to be an unmotivational bitch, Liz. Honestly, no wonder it took Jess so long to amount to anything with snide comments like this from Liz. Liz says MEANLY “you have to research and write your own stories” with a look on her face saying “you’re never going to be able to do it.” It sucks because I already know that Liz will have to help her or do it altogether, but it still pisses me off.

Cut to Bruce and Manny eating lunch and Winston walking over. I don’t understand why he sits with them, go sit with Todd, or the girls or someone, but why these two when they’ve obviously been playing jokes on you for a really long time. Stupid Winston, you deserve what’s coming to you, even if it’s lame 90s pranks. With the importance of not making this post as long as the last one Bruce and Manny sweet talk Winston by saying they’re not plotting against him, and of course they are, and Winston gets super-glued to the bench and then some “hot” girl walks by and Bruce tells Winston the girl wants him and Winston tries to get up but he realizes he is glued down. HA HA… HA. Chrome Dome walks by telling him to stop with the horseplay.

click to see creepy shoulder hold up close

Cut to Liz, on the phone with “Mr. Superintendent” getting quotes for an article or the show, or something? Who knows why Liz does half the stuff she does. Oh Gawd, Mr. Collins walks in and stands inappropriately close to her and leaves with a longer-than-necessary hand-on-shoulder gesture.

Cut to Winston trying to get some revenge in the school parking lot. He tries to go and release the air from Bruces 1bruce1 porsche which at this point I think he does, of course, he then hears Bruce and Manny walking towards the car and he figures the only place to hide is under the car. THIS is what led to stupid accidents by children back in the day! Luckily, all is well, and the two are able to drive without leaving a scratch on Winston’s beanpole figure. Oh and I guess he doesn’t get enough air out of the wheel, since they show Winston looking dejected.

Cut to a collection of short auditions in the form of a MONTAGE! First up: Liz = really good; Jessica: fumbling with papers; Winston: doing weather but point to a map of the entire US, I don’t know why the students at this high school care about the weather everywhere else; Lila: terrible; Bruce: not bad, but I’m pretty sure he ends up talking about himself;  Winston: again, doing sports this time, why this kid who’s probably never played a sport, let alone be good at it with a major coordination deficiency is commenting on it, I really don’t know; Todd: stupid. The point of this montage is to show how awesome Liz is in comparison to everyone else.

Cut to Liz and Jess at home and Liz showing her sister her audition tape and Jessica watching it angrily / bitterly. Jessica chooses to not show Liz her audition tape because she doesn’t want to show her up and as we know, it’s because we could tell from the montage, it was pretty awful. Liz leaves the tape with Jessica [has prior experience taught her nothing about trusting Jessica with things]. Anyway, Jessica gets the brilliant plan to switch the “Elizabeth Wakefield” label on Liz’s tape with hers. Yes, because that seems like a foolproof plan.

Cut to Mr Collins and his creeper-protege (Franklin) in the editing room watching the audition tapes. Ok, here’s is where I’m uncomfortable for the 5th time this episode. Collins says and I quote “Ahh,.. Elizabeth’s tape… This should be good” Ugh. Of course it ends up being Jessica on the tape and then to top it all of, Mr Collins ANGRILY states “I can’t believe it, I was counting on her” Shut the hell up creep, maybe have some faith in the rest of the school, you know, since you’re a teacher and everything! UGH! OMG, it just keeps getting worse, then Franklin’s all “I have somene with real potential…Jessica Wakefield” and STUPID MR. COLLINS says “Ugh,.. Jessica Wakefield?!” SHUT UP!! HAVE FAITH. I know this will bite me in the ass in the remaining 10 minutes of the show but still!!!! This is annoying. Whatever, long story short, it’s Elizabeth on the tape and as we all know, Liz is awesome so the tape is awesome. I don’t see how Real Jessica’s outfit of a tight red shirt and Real Liz’s outfit of a lame sweater and hair in a ponytail hasn’t tipped them off.

Lila has her bitch face on

Cut to Franklin (I think Jess calls him Russ? Ross?) pinning up the position sheet.  Jessica finds out she has anchor and Liz’s heart breaks and Jessica LOOKS AT LIZ and walks away from her. How can she not know this is going to backfire, and what is she going to do when they actually tape the show?! Liz says “Jessica and Lila got on and I didnt, there must be some mistake.” Whatever,good, I’m glad Liz has a little disappointment about this, even though she’s gonna go back to being self-righteous soon. Her and Todd are all bitching about Liz not getting the spot. Todd tells her to talk to Mr Collins coz you know Mr Collins would do just about anything for Liz. But all his says is “sometimes, people like you Liz excel at the written word, not everyone’s meant to be an on-air personality.” Ugh, shut up, I wish this show would end different than the way I know it’s going to end. It probably would have sent a better message to kids if Jessica was good at this, at something, without lying and sneaking about it and Liz learning she’s not amazing at everything.

Cut to Liz and Todd at the Moon Beach and Liz is all depressed and not sitting with the rest of their friends. Seriously, it’s a high school newspaper and you still get to write your lame stories, why is this such a big deal. Todd’s actually really nice in this scene., Liz is just a bitch = “if it was up to me, they would change the name from Oracle on Air, to Airheads on Air.” Then Jess and Franklin walk in because I guess they’re on a date and how can no one think this is wrong. Oh his name is Russ, but I think I’ll just stick with Franklin. So, they leave all depressed and crap. Lila walks in saying “ooh college man” and goes up to Franklin and Jess (definitely named Russ btw) and interrupts their illegal date. Wtv, some boring conversation takes place.

Cut to Bruce coming in and Winston seeing him and running out the front door, I guess to play a joke on Bruce, I thought they’d be done with this storyline. Anyway, Winston jumps into the dumpster that Bruce has conveniently parked beside so he can throw some trash into Bruce’s car. I don’t know why he couldn’t just reach into the dumpster or something, why he had to put his entire body into it, I really don’t get. Then some guy comes to drive his motorcycle away which is also parked by the dumpster so Winston ducks into the dumpster. Of course in this time Bruce pulls out of the parking and Chrome Dome of all people parks in the spot and the bag of garbage falls on his head which is actually kinda funny.

Cut to Wakefield house and Jess coming into Liz’s room and again long story short, asking her to do the article for her because she can’t do it herself and she has to put on her makeup and everything and won’t have time. Basically, Liz gives in as usual and agrees to write it, just this time.

Cut to the Oracle office and Liz is working on something and she sees her audition tape and Jessica’s and wants to see how great it was. She sees herself and she gets that stupid angry look on her face and says “JESSICA” all spitefully. Well obviously, who else could it have possibly been?!

click to see manhandling up close

Cut to Jessica looking for Liz because she needs her article and she’s running around asking everyone. Manny is cameraman and he’s focusing it on some chicks ass. Everyone’s all hyped up for the show. Anyway finally Liz and Jess meet up in the hallway and Liz gives her a stack of blank pages and is all self-righteous and telling her to do the right thing, since she won’t have anything to say. If I remember correctly, the problem wasn’t about having the article to read, it was Jessica sucking in front of the camera. So, then Jessica finally admits it to Liz and Collin’s comes out screaming at her to go on. Collins basically manhandles her and physically pushes her to go on! Jessica goes on and obviously she has nothing to say, ha and she refers to herself as “Jessica Fakefield.” Liz walks in on Mr Collins who looks all pissed off about everything, but again, it’s the first show, who even knows why it’s live, and he’s all bent out of shape because the rest of the school (who’s probably sleeping in class, or could use the time to learn something) will know they suck. Jessica calls Liz up to give the news, and Collins is all “I should have known”. ARGH! SHUT THE HELL UP! I HATE HIM. HIM AND ENID. Anyway, Liz goes on air and she’s great. Jessica is standing outside and Collins comes up to her and is standing thisclose to her

Cut to Liz who is still amazing, and Bruce goes on; Winston sees this as an opportunity to prank and lamely captions the screen. Bruce talking about money, and Winston saying money is his pet gerbil or some crap like that. It’s really not even worth typing. RBG kinda headlocks Winston in a joking way, and out of nowhere Enid joins them and they’re all having a jolly good time.

Cut to Bruce and he finds out that Winston has weird comments running across his editorial and he chases him down the hall, and then again, Enid joins in by running after them. I dont know why. She was never part of it and she should take it as a sign of stupidty on her part since no one cares to chase her.

The shows ends with Franklin and Jess “breaking up” because she made fools out of both of them. Liz walks by again with her stupid knowing smile.

That’s all, folks!

High Points of the show
– minimal Enid. I would have cared for none, but this is better than the last one, where she got way too many lines. There’s literally 3 lines that she has if even that! Love it.

Relation to book: none, thank you. It would have been worse than some of the random terrible SVH books.